Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This is my gift to your gina
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
