He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
