Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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