We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
