Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize