u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
