Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
