One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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