I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
