does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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