Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
