have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize