guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
