I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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