I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
