Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
