first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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