We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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