Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
