Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize