I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
