Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
