Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
