Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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