i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
