why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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