Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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