my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
