i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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