I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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