...so i touched it.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
