I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
