Why are handjobs necessary in class?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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