a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
