Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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