Having a random hookup so left but love u
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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