benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
