i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
