Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
What a dumb baby whore.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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