Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
