hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
