Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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