I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
