Duck Duck Cougar?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
