I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
