It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
