Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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