I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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