you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize