I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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