So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
