OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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