Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
