i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What drink are we having for lunch?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
