You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
