Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
