She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You've changed since you got that strap on
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
