So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
