Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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