A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
