I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
