Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
