You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
