I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
