Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
