im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
