just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
